


when the party's over

by ElatedFangirl



Series: encumber [1]
Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Songfic, song: when the party's over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:46:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElatedFangirl/pseuds/ElatedFangirl
Summary: Ten feels pathetic.He has always felt pathetic.In this relationship, he never knows where his place is.In this relationship, he never knows if he can even call it as one.





	when the party's over

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part of my two-part song fic/drabble series.  
> This is created merely to unload all the pent up angst left in me before I write the lighter parts of [ruin(g)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521427/chapters/41278007)  
> I hope you enjoy this somehow!

Ten isn't sure what he has got himself into. He isn't sure of how it all ended to become what it has become. But he is here, waiting for a call. At 11 at night.  
  
He feels pathetic. He has always felt pathetic. In this _relationship_ , he never knows where his place is. In this _relationship_ , he never knows if he can even call it as one.  
  
But still he clings, because he loves the man. Damn it, he does. And he does it very strongly so.  
  
Ten feels pathetic but still he reaches for his phone, calls the number he swore not to call until the go signal has been given for the night. He knows he'll get hell for it but his conflicting feelings - the toxicity in his head eggs him to tap the call button and wait as the classic ringtone blares from his phone speakers.  
  
One... two... three rings and it dies.  
  
_Sorry, the number you have dialed is unavailable_.  
  
Ten sighs and places his phone down, just when the screen lights up to show a new incoming message. He feels pathetic but he hurriedly pulls the phone close to his face to see who the message is from and his face undergoes a swift transition.  
  
His face lights up the moment he sees the user ID but it quickly falls when he sees the message.

> _Taeyong_ ~❤ 11:49PM
> 
>   
>  Stop calling. I told you to not disturb me.

Ten can feel the sudden pang in his chest, as though he is being stabbed numerously and continuously in one spot there. He chokes up on nothing but air, gripping the front of his shirt on his chest tight as he falls face first on his bed and he ultimately cries.  
  
He cries until he feels the pain less. He cries until he blacks out.  
  
\---  
  
Ten snuggles closer to the warmth against him. He settles his head against a crook of a neck, lifting his leg as he allows fingers to enter him.  
  
He is on his side and the red haired man is too as he holds Ten against him. Ten is naked waist down and his own fingers clamp onto the polo shirt in front of him. He can hear the man breathing heavily against his ear and when the man spills filth against it, he moans softly as he slowly and consistently grinds against the fingers.  
  
The arm around him keeps him in his place. He is left to his mercy and he cares little of it. He just revels on the feeling of being breached by two slim and sleek fingers.  
  
His erection rubs against the rough fabric of slacks and he mewls because of it, especially that he can feel the man harden inside it. He pants hotly at the smooth neck, biting his bottom lip as he begs, "Tae, take me now. Please."  
  
The change is sudden - a swift transition from gentle to rough but it no longer surprises Ten. He is breaking in ways he likes to break. He is turned and pushed against the bed, his hips in the air. He doesn't feel an ounce of shame anymore. They have been through this so many times before. He is used to being man handled. In fact, he loves it. And whenever the man is extra irritable, Ten gets the brunt of it.  
  
But he receives it, no questions asked. He just accepts it. Like he always does.  
  
This time, Taeyong is irritable, Ten can tell. Ten can guess the reason why and he doesn't want to ponder upon it. He would rather not.  
  
Taeyong takes him roughly. The man didn't even add any more lube and just takes him with what was left with the preparation earlier. Ten feels the blunt and sudden intrusion into him, pain surging through his body but he keeps any complaints to himself.  
  
He bites his bottom lip harshly, tasting blood shortly after. He is being taken mercilessly.  
  
Taeyong is merciless when it comes to him. He is his own vent person. Ten takes anything and everything Taeyong will give to him without any comments or complaints and maybe that's what Taeyong likes about him. And Ten just continues doing it, convinced that that'll keep the man.  
  
Taeyong's pace is unrelenting, it is fast and hard. He pistons into him without pause.  
  
"Moan for me, _baby_."  
  
Ten breaks. He is a mess - a moaning emotional mess. The endearment only ever comes during the heat of sex but still, it affects Ten more than it should.  
  
It's one of the few things he would love to hear from the man. And even though it's thrown out in a spur of a moment with the man lust-ridden, Ten accepts it. It's what he is good at - accepting. Always accepting. _Always accepting Taeyong_.  
  
"Do you like that? Do you like me claiming every part of you like this? Making you my own little whore?" Taeyong spouts filthily as he bends down to bite on Ten's shoulder blade after pulling the shirt from the collar to reveal Ten's skin. Every of his thrust is still as hard as ever that it shakes Ten's being with every push.  
  
Ten grips the sheets with the pain. He can feel the skin on his shoulder breaking but the pain doesn't do anything to him but make him moan.  
  
The line between pain and pleasure has long blurred in their relationship. Ten just accepts whatever. He never complains. He just accepts and feels.  
  
"Answer me, Ten. What do you like?" Taeyong's voice is a growl beside his ear and Ten has to turn away, moving his face on the other side.  
  
"I like it like that. Keep fucking me like that, please." Ten's voice cracks. He is vulnerable and he is already breaking.  
  
He feels so objectified but he has brought this upon himself. He is conflicted but he lets the pleasure take over the pain that's not from his body but from his heart.  
  
\---  
  
It's a special day and Ten is eager to spend it with the people ( _person_ ) he care( _s_ ) most about. He rises up early, gets ready and after it, he waits for a text message.  
  
He waits. And waits.  
  
Until one comes.  
  
Not from who he is expecting though.

  
  
Lucas takes him out because "Hyung, you deserve out of that hell hole you call house! Especially today. We're going out. I'm treating the birthday boy to a good meal, yeah?"  
  
Ten is set to turn down the younger but because the younger keeps on insisting, showing how he has no plans on backing down, Ten relents. He lets himself be pampered, wined and dined. He lets himself soak in the care and love he very rarely gets, most especially from the only person he wants to receive it from.  
  
"Choose what you want, hyung. Told you I'll treat you." Lucas' smile is a beam. This kid is always radiating positive energy and whenever he is near, Ten can feel that that energy rubs off of him. Lucas is always glad to share it anyway. Or maybe he gets close to Ten purposefully to share his liveliness.  
  
He is a breath of fresh air, a beam of sunshine to Ten's slowly but surely dimming world. And Ten is glad for the change. He knows he needs to be out of his situation. But he clings because he is deeply and madly in love. He knows it is never reciprocated. But he gives it anyway.  
  
"Xuxi, I can pay for my own." Ten says gently as he scans the menu. It's a high-end restaurant and Ten feels quite out of place but Lucas' presence grounds him a bit.  
  
"Shhh," Lucas puts a finger to his own lips, shushing the complaints out of the elder's mouth, "I'll treat you today. You deserve to be treated right."  
  
The smile on Ten's face is bitter. The pain etches on his face but he tries to suppress it. The words pierce him and they hurt him more than Ten has even anticipated them to.  
  
Ten is just about to rebut on Lucas' out of the blue statement when something, _someone_  catches his sight. He gasps at who he sees. When Lucas attempts to look at what actually caught his sight, he pulls him by the hand, taking his attention for himself and smiles, acting as if he's okay. "Xuxi, can you take me to another restaurant, please? I'm not really fond of their food here."  
  
Lucas does not need to be told twice. He gives Ten a small smile, nods his head slightly, clamps the elder's hand and leads him out of the restaurant.  
  
\---  
  
Ten finds himself sprawled out on the bed yet again. His moans are wanton and drawn out and his body is flushed red. His hair is a mess, the front of it sticking to his sweaty forehead. His hands are gripping the sides of the pillow which his head is digging unto.  
  
The creaking noises of the bed is enough to give the act away and Ten doesn't care. Because at night, the man is his. At night, he is allowed a piece.  
  
He bites on his bottom lip, mewling as he does so as the red haired man leans forward to capture his nub into his mouth. The thrusts never ceases, it's a continuous push and pull and Ten is burrowed into the bed more and more. The thin sheen of sweat makes his body glisten. His thighs are pushed close to his chest, spreading him open all the more, allowing better entrance and angling into his body.  
  
With each thrust, Ten's voice box produces sounds - sounds only reserved inside the bedroom, with the man whom he cares so much for. But these are never appreciated. _He_  is never appreciated. But he goes along with it, lying through his teeth saying that he is not hurt by it.  
  
He moans as every of the thrusts racks his body. The man has him in his embrace but this is just for leverage, Ten knows. He is pulled down by the shoulder in time of every upward thrusts, hitting his bundle of nerves spot on each time.  
  
He wants to scratch, to bite - to _claim_ , but he can't. Ten cannot claim something that he knows will never be his in the first place.  
  
The helplessness breaks him into pieces but he tries to compensate it by the euphoria he has brought upon himself. He is breaking but for now, he cannot feel it. He chooses to mask the pain with the pleasure. After all, the line between pain and pleasure has long been blurred in their relationship - be it physical pain or emotional pain.  
  
\---  
  
Ten finds himself in the same apartment again. Taeyong's apartment is always clean, the man cares too much for cleanliness no matter when and where. And even every after a wild night, Ten always wakes up to a clean bedroom, on a clean and neat side of the bed and when he turns to see the other side, even that is clean too - no speck of anything, no man of his expectation.  
  
It is always this situation. Ten goes through a very surreal night but wakes up with nothing to remind him of the night prior but his aching and wailing body full of marks and bites.  
  
But this time, Ten is in the apartment at dusk. He can already foresee what is about to happen and his body tingles with the thought. His body is always with the weak resolve. It always gives him away, even though his mind screams at him to stop. To stop being a fool and think about himself even just for once.  
  
But Taeyong is an embodiment of Ten's weakness - a surrendering made flesh. Because Ten always surrenders, no matter when and how. He always surrenders no matter how painful it becomes.  
  
He is a fool and he knows this for a fact but still, he puts the rose-colored glasses on his eyes and stubbornly refuses to see the truth for what it is.  
  
Even though deep down, he knows to heart what the truth exactly is.  
  
He goes directly to the bedroom, a place all too familiar to him. He looks at the ceiling, an expanse of white that has seemingly engraved itself to his mind. He has seen it too many times. The bed feels the same - clean, velvety and soft. This too he has felt too many times before. All the other things are a blur. Ten can almost never see them in his often pleasured state and even now, he pays them little mind.  
  
He flops to the bed, waiting for the only person he is ever willing to wait until he slips into a peaceful nap.  
  
  
  
He wakes with the feeling of lips against his cheek. His eyes flutters open and almost thinks he saw a soft emotion on the man's face. He catches the hurried blinks though, as if to will something out of his face.  
  
Maybe this is what makes Ten hold on. Maybe it's the unguarded albeit minute emotions that slip past Taeyong's facade. Ten can see them but he never mentions it, never asks of it. He just holds on to the fact that it is there and that all his sacrifices from the years back ever since he met the man are not in vain.  
  
Because once upon a time, Taeyong needed saving and Ten was there - exerting all his best to do just that. And now that the man is better off, it has become the other way around. It's just that, Ten is left with no savior and is left on his own to fend for himself.  
  
But still, it's these very rare moments that Ten holds on to. It's what makes him still grasping on, thinking that something inside Taeyong is still the same.  
  
"Hmm... you've arrived?" Ten is pushing himself up on the bed but he is already being pulled close to the man.  
  
Taeyong leaves a peck on his lips, snaking his cold fingers inside Ten's shirt. His fingers make Ten shudder slightly. "How long have you been here?"  
  
Ten slants his head slightly to make way for the man who is now moving to kiss him on his neck, "For awhile now."  
  
The man just pulls him closer to his body, sucking on his neck particularly hard and licking on the spot. Ten is certain a mark is blossoming and he just hums. He moves on to grip on the man's shirt and pull on it.  
  
Taeyong is getting more aggressive with his ministrations - his kisses wetter and his hands on Ten's sides gripping harder. Ten is unable to do anything but cling onto the man as he mewls. His head is thrown back as Taeyong bites on his collarbone, his shirt neckline being stretched down hard.  
  
Ten moans with every mark being left on his neck and he is already slowly slipping into his pleasured state, a state he knows very well especially with Taeyong. But he is snapped out of it so suddenly when he hears a loud ringtone blaring from the bedside table and Taeyong hurriedly peels himself off of him.  
  
"Hello," the other speaks to the tone a little breathlessly and then his face morphs into a concern. It turns soft and he speaks rather quietly after.  
  
Ten turns his eyes away. He can never get used to this. He can never have the will to try and get used to this. It hurts so much. It hurts so much having to share what he wants to have for his own. It hurts so much having to share what had been his before this all started.  
  
The previously slowly heating body has suddenly turned so cold and numb all over. Ten moves to face the other side of the bed, slinging his legs down and standing up, just in time when Taeyong has ended his call.  
  
"I have to go. She needs me."  
  
Ten can hear his heart breaking. He is convinced that the only reason he feels as numb as he is is because he has been hurting for so long. He has kept it in himself for so long. But he can't let it all out. Not yet at least.  
  
"You should go." His voice is quiet, like a foreboding calm before the storm. And maybe that's exactly what he is about to bring. Not that Taeyong will care though.  
  
Taeyong is already moving to grab his coat and car keys when Ten speaks again.  
  
"Taeyong."  
  
Taeyong turns to him, his eyes a blank pair, waiting for Ten to speak. His face shows he is in a hurry. Whatever happened to _that_ person, it has made Taeyong a rattle.  
  
"I guess this is good bye."  
  
Taeyong's face puts on a questioning look. He looks at Ten straight in the eye, "What?"  
  
"Let's stop this."  
  
The man's questioning look turns into a shock. He drops his coat and keys all so suddenly and approaches Ten, stands in front of him and looks at him straight in the eye as he grabs Ten's hand. Ten pulls it away though.  
  
"Ten, please don't do this." It has been so long since Ten has heard this voice from Taeyong. It is almost pleading and he is almost all too willing to take back what he said. But he stands firm.  
  
"I'm tired of having to settle on what crumbs you can give me, Taeyong. I'm too broken, I can't even recognize myself anymore."  
  
Taeyong's eyes water in front of him. His hands itch to wipe them away, to wipe all sadness away from them, to hug the man and ask him to forget what he said.  
  
"Ten, I'm sorry. Please you know I don't want her-" Taeyong's voice is slowly crumbling. But that crumble is nowhere in comparison to the numerous nights Ten has become a rubble of mess on his own. He is left on his own, to lick his wounds and attempt to be okay. He never is.  
  
"I still love you, Taeyong, you know that. But it's better if we end this here. I love you but I'm tired."  
  
"Ten, you know this is hard for me too-" Taeyong attempts to hold on to him, grabbing his arm as he motions to the door.  
  
But the forceful plea on his arm weakens with his last words to the man, "Let me go Taeyong, please. _Please._ "  
  
Taeyong's hands slumps down as streams of tears stain his cheeks. Ten surrenders to his itch one last time as he lifts his hands to the man's face. He holds his face and leans forward to his lips. He kisses Taeyong's lips _one last time_. "Good bye, Taeyong. Take care. _I love you."_  
  
Ten leaves the apartment with Taeyong's sobs still ringing in his ears. The sadness creeps on his entirety but he trudges out and away of the apartment, finally letting go of himself as he cries everything out, liberating himself of the years worth of pent up pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Sound track:  
> [GIVE A LISTEN](https://youtu.be/S2GQbYuNclQ)
> 
> \---  
> I apologize for any grammatical errors. English is not my first language.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please do tell me what you think about it <3


End file.
